Just for Laughs: Funny Cruise Questions
The final school day of September is often celebrated as “National Ask a Stupid Question Day.” While we don’t think any question is necessarily “stupid” we have seen some funny ones asked onboard cruise ships. Here are some of our favorites.
What would happen if I flushed a ship toilet while still sitting on it?
And the related query…
Do the ships toilets use fresh water or salt water?
For those who have never cruised, the first question makes a bit of sense. The toilets on most ships sound like vacuums and it would be easy to understand why someone might be concerned about the suction. But the water question has us a bit vexed – what exactly are you doing with that water?
Actual legitimate answer: Most non-potable water on the ship is recycled, so on most vessels your toilet water will be reclaimed from other sources. Water is precious on ships.
Does the crew sleep onboard/Where does the crew go at night?
We’ve heard this question answered many ways, with one cruise director quipping, “No, we all fly home by helicopter each evening, have a quick bite with the fam, nap, and fly back in the a.m.”
As you may have guessed, the crew does, in fact, sleep onboard. What do they do at night? Well, if they’re not working, you might find them relaxing in the crew bar, out and about on the ship, or perhaps resting up for another busy day. Most work six to nine months almost non-stop, so time off is used wisely. On a day off, you might catch one of them on your shore excursion or walking into town to shop or find an internet connection to call back home.
At the photo gallery, how do I know which photos are mine?
This one actually makes a bit of sense. The old-school way of selling photos was for the ship to print a copy of every picture they take and hang them on the walls of the gallery/shop. Naturally, this would mean there were thousands of pictures to sort through, and even organized by day that can be a challenging task. Of course, the snarky answer is, “The ones with you in them.”
Most ships now are converting to digital photo galleries where the system uses both facial recognition (via your embarkation photo) and your room number to track your photos and make them easy to find.
How do you operate the in-room microwave oven?
As you can see, Carnival Cruise Line has tried to prevent this mistake by putting instructions in front of the SAFE in their staterooms. But there have been many reported instances of passengers who mistook the in-suite safe for a malfunctioning microwave oven.
I paid extra money for an oceanview stateroom and all I can see is the terminal/a building/the parking lot!
We’ve actually seen this one asked first-hand during embarkation on an Alaskan cruise. The port had two large stadiums nearby and the passenger in question was upset about having to see those “ugly” buildings for the next week.
We’re reminded of the hilarious movie A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN, where Jon Lovett tells the girls, “See the way it works is the train moves, not the station!” Apparently people forget that this hotel moves and the view will be much better a few hours after departure.
There’s also the related question…
I don’t want an “outside” cabin – what if it rains?
This one makes us giggle, but it does make perfect sense, especially for anyone who has never cruised. To most of us, “outside” means outdoors. In cruise terminology, an “inside” cabin doesn’t have windows, whereas an “outside” room has a window and/or a balcony. Most cruise lines have done away with this term, partially because of the confusion it can cause, but it still pops up from time to time.
Fun fact: We do have a cruise line that has legitimate “outside” sleeping areas with Balinese beds. Every passenger gets at least one night sleeping under the stars…weather permitting, naturally.
What do they do with the ice carvings after the melt?
We’re not going to get into basic chemistry here, but suffice it to say they’re not something you can take home as a souvenir. But it might just be an answer to the first question in this blog.
Has this ship ever sunk/How many times has this ship sunk?
There’s so much we could say here, but we’ll simply answer “no” and move on.
How small does your face have to be to get the mini-facial at the spa?
There’s a simple formula to figure this out:
What time is the midnight buffet?
There’s also the Walt Disney World version of this question: “What time is the three o’clock parade?”
We’re not sure how to explain the one on the cruise ship, but at Disney usually people are simply meaning to ask what time the parade will pass by the area they are in at the time.
We have a large group sailing in rooms on different decks. Will we all visit the same ports?
We actually heard a Cruise Director give this answer once:
“This is why we have a side of the ship called ‘port’ – only rooms on that side will visit the listed ports. Everyone else will enjoy a day at sea.”
Do these stairs go up or down?
At Premier Custom Travel, we only offer cruises on DELUXE ships, where the stairs go both up AND down. We are happy to bring this exclusive feature to you at no extra charge!
Which elevator goes to the front of the ship?
This isn’t STAR TREK or Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. These elevators go up AND down, again at no charge to you.
Did we miss one you’ve heard before? Share with us in the comments!
